Today in Oh, Jobs!

Ah, youth. Freshness, vitality, vibrancy of spirit and mind; a body that rebounds and heals quickly, flawless, dewy skin and a mind that should* snap like a trap. (*Youth does not always mean smart.)

On the flip side of that youthful energy and spirit is a lack of experience that, alas, only comes with age and time. But hell, most all employers don’t give a banana about that experience thing as much as they want some youngin’ they can not pay too much and boss around a lot since youth usually equals less responsibility outside the workplace.

How do employers who want to hire the Younglings circumvent the EEOC laws against age discrimination in their job postings? Let’s have a look-see at this job posting from Kareo for an Events Specialist found via Indeed.com.

Before I get into the real meat of their youthful desires, please note that the writer put the words ‘awesome sauce’ as a modifier to the prospective candidate’s project management skills. I imagine this scenario involving the job poster and his 13-year old daughter as he was creating this masterpiece:

Dad: Sweetie, how do you kids describe stuff that’s really, really good?

13-year old: Leave me alone, I’m busy. Okay?

Dad: Come on, pumpkin, help daddy with this job posting I’m writing. I don’t want some 48 year old hag applying for this job, so how do I say something’s really great that only a young person will understand?

13-year old: Awesome-sauce, duh. Lol.

The other bells that went a’ ringing as I read this involved the requirement that the applicant have Facebook (only product capitalized on the list), Twitter, Instagram and Snapchat accounts. Okay, the job is for an Events Specialist and marketing is part of that job but having these personal accounts means the person they want to apply is one who cares not for their privacy–because they’re too young to give a damn. Seriously, have a good look at Snapchat’s privacy policy and tell me if you’d trust using their new Snapcash app. Plus, have you seen what’s on Snapchat?

The second bell was this:

  • A really great sense of humor couple with organization skills like a Kardashian wedding planner

The Kardashian name somehow got injected into this job posting, along with a typo. Does this resonate with you, professional person who wants a great job? Nope.

Finally, the kicker for me and the most circumventiest of the EEOC laws was this:

  • Active member/leadership role in your fraternity or sorority.Yes, now you can finally tell your parents that being the Social Chair for Chi Omega Fraternity really does look good on a resume.

Yes, I’ll be telling my parents (who are both dead because, you know I’m not that youthful) that being the Social Chair for Delta Delta Delta got me this awesome sauce of a job where I can pretend to be a celebrity wedding planner from my cubicle in Irvine.

 

Events Specialist job   Kareo   Irvine  CA   Indeed.com

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Today in Oh, Jobs!

Craigslist, you never let me down, do you? Just when I was giving up hope for a devilishly entertaining job posting a la the Bohemian Chic people (who were on Indeed.com), this gem amongst gems pops up. And it is, indeed, a gift.

Posted under Writing/Editing jobs in Los Angeles, I present to you the ‘Win $20,000 If you Can Write A Winner Sales Letter.’ Yes, prospective writing and editing job hunters, you read that right ‘Winner Sales Letter’ and not the correct, ‘Winning Sales Letter’. But there’s so much more contained in this $25 posting, so let’s just bullet point ‘em, shall we?

  • A very concerted effort on the part of the writer of this posting NOT to pluralize ‘letter’ where necessary.
  • The sense that you will just send in your ‘Winner Sales Letter’ advice to them and feel absolutely certain this isn’t anything close to scammy or sleazy because, you know, good spelling and grammar.
  • The offer of a very generous salary on top of winning the $20,000.
  • This sentence, “if chosen, we have plots for sales letter that can be winners if the right writer can make them compelling enough.”

Happy job hunting, fellow writers, and remember, do not attempt a winner sales letter if you are not highly talented and experienced.

Win  20 000 If You Can Write A Winner Sales Letter

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Today in Oh, Jobs! bad grammar found on Career Builder. Oops.

Know what I get a kick out of? Bad grammar, usage and misspellings in job postings for writers and editors. It’s so, what is the word, ironic?

Today I present to you a job posting from Career Builder (Workway) for a Content Manager/Writer. This person should be detail oriented, they say so, and have good proofreading and editing skills. Too bad the person who posted this didn’t possess those traits. See, the sentence I have highlighted below should read “Professional Staffing is in partnership with a leader in the National Title Industry whose core business…” The person writing this posted it as “who’s core business” as in “who is core business,” which is terribly, terribly wrong. It should be the possessive and not the contraction.

I may apply, but seriously if my application has to go through people like this, I may be out of luck. Suzy at Aquent told me I didn’t have the skills for a proofreading job I applied for. Hunh, guess that Master’s from NYU is a piece of driftwood–according to Aquent anyway.

Good luck mortgage title company looking for a solid candidate, think you hired the wrong staffing company.

Workway

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Stock photo conversations.

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“Boris, like this with my eyes?”

“No. Look away, behind my right shoulder, that’s it. Vacuous yet smoldering with the eyes, yes, off in the distance, like that my little sugar plum.”

“Am I smoldering yet?”

“Perfect.”

“Remind me who will buy stock photo of woman in heels in rubble again?”

“Plenty of rich people, many photo needs in the world. Now stretch out your right leg a bit more. You are a gazelle, nimble over the decay of society.”

“It’s stretched.”

“Give us a bigger stretch my little cherry, come on.”

“I stretch any more and rebar will go up my crotch and hose will be ruined.”

“You are strong like the rebar. You look like Wonder Woman, a natural.”

“Like dress against this background? Not so natural I would think.”

“Darling sugar tart, it’s art, a statement, a juxtaposition. Have I ever been wrong about this?”

“Yes, Boris, you have. You were wrong about the photos of me wearing inline skates in a business suit with briefcase. No one inline skates anymore.”

“Those photos were huge in Beijing. And Miami.”

“Five downloads is not huge.”

“Smolder darling, I want the rust on that steel feeling your disapproval.”

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Today in Oh, Jobs!

Craigslist, you are forever an entertaining website. Truly. Look what I found today in the Writing/Editing jobs section of LA’s Craigslist.

If you look past the egregious disrespect for employment laws (recent grad? recent headshot? height, weight, etc?) and delve into the heart of this job posting, it comes down to one thing: You want someone to be an Ivy League grad/write/edit/market/be in good physical condition/shop/prepare meals/travel/research/be your ‘wingman’/be on-set during production/accompany you to tennis and mountain biking/live with you, therefore eschew anything resembling a life outside of you, and all you offer IN RETURN is a half bath? Seriously?

Live In P.A. Executive Assistant

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Art does make you smart.

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If you weren’t sure about art (that’s Picasso’s Starry Night) and the arts and what kind of an impact they have on our brains, I have an article and a study for you, Art Makes You Smart. The study was done at the Crystal Bridges Museum in Bentonville, Arkansas; a place where many students, for the first time, encountered art. Glad to see Walmart in a news story that doesn’t involve meth making in one of its stores.

Bottom line is that visiting an art museum improved critical thinking skills. Imagine.

Here’s a posting from Crystal Bridges on Robert Rauschenberg, just because I like his work–a lot. The image below was taken from the following website: FadedandBlurred.com

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Always being connected is deeply disruptive to the creative process.

We are social creatures, there’s no doubt about that. We’re connected to other humans, whether we like it or not. Neighbors, family, friends, we see these people in person, have drinks with them, share the highways with them, want to bang them over the head when they cut us off on the highway–but we see them, in-person, on a daily basis.

Then there’s the sort of connected that the age of Facebook, smartphones, Yik Yak and other forms of hyper-connected connectivity have spawned.

Things have changed dramatically since I first started writing. For one thing, I became a mother. Okay, that shouldn’t be too big a deal you say in terms of just sitting down and writing. But it was, for me, at least. I stopped writing as much as I had before having children, or at least I thought I had.

The next huge thing that happened was the internets. Huge. Love the internets dearly. Then along came social stuff like Facebook and smartphones and Pinterest and tons of other social apps and the 24/7 ability to stay in touch, connected with each other. It offers us the bizarre ability to show the world (or whoever is looking) a selfie du jour any time of day or night. (As a quick side note here, I do wonder when politicians are going to get a full grasp of YouTube–seriously.)

But it’s not real.

It’s not real, face-to-face connectivity with other humans.

It’s disruptive.

I’ve been looking over my work for the past 20 years and you know what? I was more prolific even while watching children than I am now.

So what happened?

We are inundated with messages about how we writers have to constantly stay on top of the new social media trends or else we’re hopelessly lost; not worthy of employment; unable to function in our society and gasp! without a platform. You know, that platform you should be building/worrying about/curating/making appealing/whatever it is you are supposed to be doing–to make sure you have a platform of internet people you can point to.

If you have sent a query letter in the past year, you know some agents want to hear all about your ‘platform.’ Some freelance writing jobs want you to list the number of Twitter/Facebook/Instagram followers you have. Really? What if it’s a pathetic number? (Then you must not be worthy of the job.)

What to be a successful indie author? You have to stay on top of all the trends and get connected to your fans via social media otherwise, the internet sages say, forget getting read. That takes time–the kind you could be using to write. Kind of like I’m doing now.

I believe that falling prey to all this has hurt my creative process. It has made me dull and numb to my inner writing voice. It keeps me distracted in a bad way. Truly, trying to do two things, successfully, at once is very difficult. Writing takes all of my focus and attention and it should takes yours too.

I need to stop and I will. I will be closing down the Twitter feed, the other WordPress site and Tumblr accounts. Although, Tumblr makes me smile. It’s time to regroup and focus on what is important–the writing.

Keep writing fellow crafts people. And yes, you will continue to exist and live a full life even though you haven’t posted a damn thing.

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Stock photo conversations.

Stock photos talk to me, sometimes they even have conversations, through me, that is.

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“Admit I look good.”

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“I look better. See? I brought my own box. I mean, you know I take how good I look like really seriously. Hello? Props?”

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“Yes, you do, but props are just that, a way of propping up something, a support, an artifice where, in your case, none is needed. You had me with that hip, jutting out ever so provocatively, the look of indifference, reckless abandon and devil-may-care attitude all underscored by your beautiful, crimson lips.”

 
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“I still brought my own box.”

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